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. .. And so it seems, that I go through these periods where I lose track of myself. I get hateful, and narrow minded. I find little to pleased about. But plenty to be displeased over.

I've been around this earth for 52 years now. I wonder often how long it is going take for me to learn, about me. I ultimately alwayshave days like today, when everything becomes clear again. When something clicks and falls back into place, and the gear train starts to move smoothly again. I come back to the standard plain, and realize howgood a lifeI really do have.

It had nothing to do with the upcoming holiday, I'm Canadian so the holiday is somewhat lost on me at any rate. No, it was at lunchtime when I was heading into a McDonald's to grab a burger and a shake, when I saw all the homeless and out of work gathered. Panhandling, signs in some hands looking for odd jobs, looking for a way to get through the day. I drove through the lot into the drive-up lane . . . and realized I was out on the edge again.

Iam married to a beautifulwoman, a wonderful person,that loves me in spite of myself. My kids are awesome beyond description. I have a six figure job that I have convinced myself I hate with a passion. I own every toy and meaningless item I desire. AND . . . I had just come from the Post Office, where I mailed in a $711 winning one dollar scratch ticket! My head hit the steering wheel, literally, how do I get to the point . . . . the point where I forget all that I have, all that matters, and fall into the mire of self loathing and utter dissatisfaction.

I am thankful. And it does not have a gawdam thing to do with turkey. I am thankful that every so often I manage to move just the right way . . . and my head falls out of my a$$, and I can see clearly again . . . for a while . . . .
 

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Your vision scares me with the utter possibilities of future reality.
I believe we, as you put it, fall into the mire of self loathing and utter dissatisfaction is because this is the subliminal, subconscious, subculture, whatever message that is sent to successful middle-aged white American men, I was one of them, but I digress, I believe we are made to feel guilty or ashamed that you have success when there are so many that do not.
This message is wrong and a catastrophe that it is broadcast. Think about it and you might understand what I mean.
 

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Randy
This might be a stretch, but could your deep thoughts today be a product of a Big Mac, lol. Did the special sauce open up your senses to see beyond your material things and visualize again the really important things in your life. Did those delicious little yummy fried french fries allow you to have the vision again that gets you to the next day.

or was the shake just really thick and good and that made you happy?
 

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TVDinner wrote:
Randy
This might be a stretch, but could your deep thoughts today be a product of a Big Mac, lol. Did the special sauce open up your senses to see beyond your material things and visualize again the really important things in your life. Did those delicious little yummy fried french fries allow you to have the vision again that gets you to the next day.

or was the shake just really thick and good and that made you happy?
They serve Big Macs with peyote where you live???
 

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I hear ya Randy.

Prior to me losing my job in April, everything seemed to be going perfectly. Both my wife and I had very good paying jobs. We bought the exact house we wanted back in 2006, drove the cars we wanted and never really had to think about what we were buying, whether it be watch after watch, or handbag after handbag.

Then, 7 months ago, I got called into the President's office for that faithful "MEETING"! And here I am 7 months later, still without a job. Mind you, I have worked AT LEAST 40 hours per week since I was 14 years old. Growing up very poor, if I wanted something, I had to work to get the money to get it. During these last seven months, REALITY has set in, and all that other stuff that we just overlooked and just went to buy, just don't seem to matter.

Luckily, right around this time last year, we saw what was happening with the economy and started scaling back on all of our "ADDITIONAL" expenses and luckily it has worked out.

I guess in a weird way, I am thankful for this time to RE-REALIZE what truly is important. I am thankful for all of the great folks I have met through these watch forums, and mostly my beautiful wife who has done more than just said those vows: "For better or worse", but actually lives them every day with me!

And Randy, GREAT use of a rant in my opinion!
 

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rants about life are always OK here and if you want to rant all the time I will happily set up a Member blog for anyone as I have done for others already.
 

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Randy.

you need to go outside and hug a tree!! Really!!!

perhaps some eastern philosophy may help / the Taoist/Buddhist way of looking at things have helped me tremendously to reduce and control my self hatred/anger
and put things in perspective

i honestly suggest some study /meditation/ contemplation in Asian Studies



randyswagon wrote:
. .. And so it seems, that I go through these periods where I lose track of myself. I get hateful, and narrow minded. I find little to pleased about. But plenty to be displeased over.

I've been around this earth for 52 years now. I wonder often how long it is going take for me to learn, about me. I ultimately alwayshave days like today, when everything becomes clear again. When something clicks and falls back into place, and the gear train starts to move smoothly again. I come back to the standard plain, and realize howgood a lifeI really do have.

It had nothing to do with the upcoming holiday, I'm Canadian so the holiday is somewhat lost on me at any rate. No, it was at lunchtime when I was heading into a McDonald's to grab a burger and a shake, when I saw all the homeless and out of work gathered. Panhandling, signs in some hands looking for odd jobs, looking for a way to get through the day. I drove through the lot into the drive-up lane . . . and realized I was out on the edge again.

Iam married to a beautifulwoman, a wonderful person,that loves me in spite of myself. My kids are awesome beyond description. I have a six figure job that I have convinced myself I hate with a passion. I own every toy and meaningless item I desire. AND . . . I had just come from the Post Office, where I mailed in a $711 winning one dollar scratch ticket! My head hit the steering wheel, literally, how do I get to the point . . . . the point where I forget all that I have, all that matters, and fall into the mire of self loathing and utter dissatisfaction.

I am thankful. And it does not have a gawdam thing to do with turkey. I am thankful that every so often I manage to move just the right way . . . and my head falls out of my a$$, and I can see clearly again . . . for a while . . . .
 

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Hey Randy! First off, I do so love reading your posts. Just had to tell you that. You have a unique way of looking at things and I find that very interesting. You express yourself so well that when you have a point to get across, it really hits home Bro. So kudos to you for your gift of expression.

That being said, Linda & I have had some real challenges in 2009. More than our share for sure. Still, I always try to proceed forward. As I have told others, life is one big problem solving experience. Every time I get those feelings of self loathing or lack of self worth, I try to look at the "glass half full and not half empty". It ain't always easy my friend, but it does help. An exercise in positive thinking if you will.

LOL!!! I've had my head up my a$$ so many times that it's gettin easier to pull it out!!! I think!! ...:%Hope this helps if even just a little bit Bro!!
 

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You know Randy, I truely think everyone goes thru what you are. I think life is so busy and hectic that we often lose sight of what we all have and who we all really are. I too have a beautiful wife who I started dating in high school, 2 wonderful kids and a 6 figure income as well. Every so often I feel the way you do and then something will pull me out of the mire and make me realize just how damn nice I do have it and how lucky a man I really am!
 

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. . . Thanksso very much, everyone. For the understanding words, and the willingness to share, from those that did. I don't mean to use this as a dumping ground, but it really helps me to be able to "get this out there".

I struggle with grasping why I go into these dark spots. I have been a lone entity most of my life, but as I get longer in the tooth, the connection with other people becomes increasingly more important to me. I suppose I feel somewhat safer exposing myself here, with the sense of semi-anonimity, but I truly do feel more connected when I read the posts . . . . with members interacting, caringly with each other. No doubt I'm a strange duck . . . but I think I'm a good duck at heart. I only need to learn how to share the pond with others, and to waddle through life contentedly.

To put it out in simple terms, I feel like there are genuinely good people here, and I try my damndest to be be part of it all . . . in spite of the perpetual "outsider" mentallity I have always had. My parents did little for me growing up, and I left home and school at 14, went to work and never took the time to look back. Until lately . . . and it isn't easy . . . . Randy.
 

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Just let me putthis in very simple terms. Randy you're a good man now get out and start enjoying yourself, we'reonly on this little spinning ball in the sky for a short time!!:)
 

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I loved this thread. It resonated with me on a lot of levels.

Gratitude can be elusive but with the adversity I have faced (virtually EXCLUSIVELY self-inflicted btw) I have found great solace in stepping back and looking at how fortunate I truly am.

Thanks Randy. And Happy Thanksgiving, even though you're Canadian, LOL


David
 
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