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Marriage (Part I)

[align=center]Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and [/align]
[align=center]after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:[/align]
[align=center]"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time [/align]
[align=center]I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. [/align]
[align=center]I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless [/align]
[align=center]I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. [/align]
[align=center]I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing [/align]
[align=center]when I want with my old buddies, and don't you [/align]
[align=center]give me a hard time about it. [/align]
[align=center]Those are my rules. Any comments?" [/align]
[align=center]His new bride said: [/align]
[align=center]"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex [/align]
[align=center]here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."[/align]
[align=center](DARN SHE'S GOOD!)[/align]
[align=center]************************************************[/align]

[align=center]Marriage (Part II)[/align]

[align=center]Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! [/align]

[align=center]The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone [/align]
[align=center]that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!" [/align]
[align=center]"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone [/align]
[align=center]that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!" [/align]
[align=center](HE ASKED FOR IT!)[/align]
[align=center]*****************************************[/align]

[align=center]Marriage (Part III)[/align]

[align=center]Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table..[/align]
[align=center]Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no [/align]
[align=center]good in bed either," and storms out of the house.[/align]
[align=center]After some time he realizes he was nasty and [/align]
[align=center]decides to make amends and rings her up. [/align]
[align=center]She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband [/align]
[align=center]says, "What took you so long to answer to the phone?" [/align]
[align=center]She says, "I was in bed."[/align]
[align=center]"In bed this early, doing what?" [/align]
[align=center]"Getting a second opinion!" [/align]
[align=center](YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!) [/align]
[align=center]*****************************************[/align]

[align=center]Marriage (Part IV)[/align]

[align=center]A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. [/align]
[align=center]He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his [/align]
[align=center]wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections..[/align]
[align=center]One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home [/align]
[align=center]and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts [/align]
[align=center]at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"[/align]
[align=center]His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, [/align]
[align=center]shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."[/align]
[align=center](RIGHT ON, LADY!) [/align]
[align=center]*****************************************[/align]

[align=center]THE SILENT TREATMENT[/align]

[align=center]A man and his wife were having some problems at home [/align]
[align=center]and were giving each other the silent treatment. [/align]
[align=center]Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife [/align]
[align=center]to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. [/align]
[align=center]Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece [/align]
[align=center]of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. [/align]
[align=center]The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it [/align]
[align=center]was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.[/align]
[align=center]Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he [/align]
[align=center]noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."[/align]
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
 

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adam told god he was lonely and wanted a female companion that was drop dead georgeous, highly intelligent,sexy, seductive,obediant, trustworthy, faithfull,etc.
god answered and told adam it would cost an arm and a leg.
adam answered,"what will you give me for a rib?"
 

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Funny!
 
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